I didn’t home school my kids but as a single mom the Father has proven this over and over. He is a Father to the fatherless and His love for my son and daughter’s well being is so much greater then my own love for them. They are 19 and 21 now and I have watched how Jesus has ministered to each of them, in ways specific to their own personalities and make up.And in the process of watching Him work my heart has become more settled and more secure in Him. Pretty awesome stuff!
Yes, I have seen this too!
I am in my last weeks of homeschooling. Our 18 year old is graduating. She is the youngest of 5. I have homeschooled over 20 years.
I agree with what you are saying. My children passed. They were C students. Some went on to college. I wanted so much for them to be stellar students. They are fantastic young people trying to find there own way now. We just need to love them.
Wayne pointed out to me once that I was more concerned about how our family “looked”. I am paraphrasing. Anyway, it was what I needed to hear because for years I was trying to meet some ideal and it was not healthy.
I have had to do some soul searching because my idenity has been tied up in being a homeschool mom.
I want my idenity to be in Christ. I know that now.
DKM, Being fantastic young people is what will carry them through life! Congratulations on completing this part of your life’s journey.
It is pretty scary turning em’ loose.
Sharron, Thanks for your welcome! You being in Kansas City kinda feels like you’re a neighbor
It is hard not to worry about my kids. When our oldest daughter was in her teens I had to learn to let God handle what I couldn’t, which I found out was pretty much everything! (she has come around and is doing great). Now with our son in his teens I get to go through it all over again. It is a little easier the second time around. Not being in an IC doesn’t help, talk about guilt trips!
This is so encouraging. I am been hanging onto (for dear life) the idea that having a faith that is based on being drawn into relationship with a loving God is better than just being indoctrinated with stories and that God is capable of doing it on His own. Letting go and trusting God to do His work in my children really shows up a lot of control issues that I didn’t know I had, eek!
I think this is going to be an interesting journey for me also!
Windy in Reeds Spring, Mo
leaving ic is not easy. we can feel comfortable and happy there, even if we may have a desire at some level for something more. so my observation is that oftentimes “gruesomeness” is what it takes to have us step outside into the unknown,
My name is Sarah, I live close to Madrid, Spain, with my husband of 20 years and our teenage sons. I currently work giving extra support to children with their English during after school classes. I came to know Christ in 2005, although my parents were both believers, I never quite believed it until later in life. I jumped in pretty quickly in 2005, sure that He was alive, and eager to participate. I was invited to help with the childrens ministry at an English speaking congregation which I did gladly for roughly 4 years, and learned so much.
Around that time, several circumstances came about that ended up with the boys and I leaving the local congregation where we had been participating. We wanted to be present in our everyday lives, and the demands of “church” life almost completely prevented that. I had never wanted to pal up much with Spaniards, and had prefered the company of English speakers, but God changed my heart. I wanted them to know Him. particularly kids. So we began to reach out to local kids, which we are still doing today. Doing “church” kids ministry and being present at home was not compatible… not for me… I struggle to do life at that speed.
So I have been out of local congregations for about 6 years now, and my kids too. But God has been faithful to always put people in our path to encourage and love us. Sometimes it has been lonely. But being in the ic can also be lonely.
Lately I have started to attend a local cell group that I fell into through a God-incidence, and my younger son has begun going to the attached youth group. I believe this is God’s leading, and am interested, albeit somewhat cautious, as to what new things we will learn, and what God might do.
Yes, I have suffered from the same malady. The Lord has/is helping me stop focusing on
myself but it can be one step forward two steps back.
Sharron in Kansas City
It is funny how I get into habits. Some of them not good. Lol.
I have to go edit my intro. I am so used to saying homeschooler, 5 children, 4 girls 1 boy blah blah…
Our oldest daughter got married last Dec. to a young man she had been dating for a couple of years. She is 28. He is 25 and was orphaned after coming here as a toddler from Mexico. They met through mutual friends at college, but I kept telling her he was not marriage material because of his limited resources.
They live on our property and he is a fine young man doing the best he can.
If I had not started to open my heart and let go of my idea of what our family should look like, I could have done much damage to our relationships. My husband has never been closed minded like me I am glad to say.
Dawna in Sacramento CA
Ah Dawna, I remember being the same. Years ago in an IC as a young woman, desperate to please the pastor and his wife, listening to them tear down members of the congregation if they didnt fit their idea of a perfect Christian. Sadly I looked at this “man and woman of god” and picked up their cadence and followed their lead. It was only when they turned on me, towards the end of my life in the Shepherding/Restoration cult that I suddenly saw how toxic they and their followers were. They did to me what they had done to so many, and I had participated in their toxicity. Even now I feel such a sense of sadness over that. The people we turned our backs on when they were shown the door. Close minded does not even begin to cover it. How awesome now though, as you live in such a great place of transparency, edit your bio, love those around you for who they are… you are blessed
Hi Candace, Thank you for sharing your story. I know it sounds odd but you confirm on of the big lessons I’ve learned since connecting with the Jacobsen books and podcasts/blogs. That is that Christians/Christ believers come in all shapes and forms, with all kinds of baggage AND with all kinds of wonderful gifts to offer. It does feel frustrating wanting to share but the only way of “sharing” falls into job descriptions the institution has created so it be self perpetuating. Congratulations for not giving up on your gift. There are people out there hungry for what you have to offer and maybe they don’t feel like they would be accepted or appreciated by a church so they don’t even want to step foot in a “church”. You are the front line. What a great way to reach people outside the chruch. Thank you for your encouragement to be who we are called to be and to not be “put down”. The hard part is accepting those who reject us accepting they too are Christians doing the best job they can and following how they are led. I don’t understand Christians hurting other Christians but maybe it’s like Acts 16:6 when the apostles weren’t to go into Asia. We don’t know how they figured this out specifically but 2000 years later it’s part of the story. I needed your encouragement…thanks.
Yep, been there done that, but suffered excessively as I was at a young and very formative age. God was angry, the leader was at least equal to and sometimes above God, and his word of the Word was final.
Totally toxic in this regard. Was it all evil, No. But there was no grace, only truth. Jesus came :“full of grace and truth”. But the God I knew was an angry monster waiting to swat you if you stepped out of line and furthermore, could never be pleased no matter how hard I tried.
I was save “at gunpoint” age 6, baptized at gunpoint age 10, and then there was the speaking in tongues at 13. I wanted to run away since I was 12, planned my getaway on many a night, but managed to “escape” at 15 under the guise of moving to the big city where I could finish my Sr High ed.
My reaction to all this meant that for the next 30 off years I was very dysfunctional as a human being in all walks of life. I see now that God created me with the constitution to sustain what happened. He wanted me to “survive” that period in my life and then get “rewired” in order that I could thrive.
I am and always will be on that journey. Searching, wandering, wondering, but driven to find my all in Him. After all, we’ll all be broken in some way until we see him.
Thanks for your encouragement. Leaving the institutional church was never something I ever imagined myself doing. In the middle of all my trying to find a place in the IC I began experiencing real relationships with real believers outside the church. For the first time in my life I began to realize that I was already a part of a community, people who actually loved respected and were there for me. I tried so hard to help my international friends fit in to the American idea of church. I failed miserably, but they on the other hand, opened their hearts and their families to me.
Dear Sharon and Joan,
With what you have noticed about the homeschool community… I have found a ministry called Lifestyle of Learning a beautiful compliment to Wayne’s work, but in the realm of stepping outside of the ideas around homeschooling that burden and trap us parents and learning to be Holy Spirit led instead (not comparing or trying to measure up to some homeschool standard)… that ministry has helped me in so many ways to relate better to my children and to how we approach education, my kids love this approach over anything else we have tried. Blessings!
Nancy in Everett, WA
Hi, I’m Jen. So I’m here because I’ve become incredibly unmotivated to go to church. My husband and I have started attending the Catholic church because my husband grew up Catholic. I’m fine with it because I feel like one church is as good as another at this point. I’ve come to see church as simply a structure in which people can accomplish some good. Like through committees and programs. Which is fine. So I guess I’m here for that something more. My husband and I both came to the Lord as young adults in the Charismatic movement. Since those first few years, neither of us has found the sort fellowship that we once experienced. It’s almost like the churches we were involved with figured that the Holy Spirit was moving in those churches because God somehow approved of their rules. It’s sort of like how the Israelites demanded a king to rule over them in 1 Samuel instead of letting God rule them. And then like Israel it became law, law, law, and we got clogged up by those rules. It’s also more than just that the honeymoon with Jesus is over. I still experience God’s guidance during my daily devotions. I pray -probably more than ever. I have a few Christian friends. In fact one of them recommended this book to me. So we’ll see what happens.
In 1998 it was Lifestyle of Learning and Marilyn Howshall’s books on the Holy Spirit that made me start searching and praying and turn my world upside down.
When my children were teenagers it was almost essential for us to be in a local congregation. Teens really seem to need a lot of accessible support, at least mine did. And I honestly think that youth groups are less “religious”. There aren’t the constant appeals for money- teens are poor! And they have fun. One of the best things I did for my children was to take them back and forth to their youth group events. They at least had the opportunity to be influenced by friends who were living a more Godly lifestyle. A proposito- he estudiando español hace cinco o seis años. Es muy dificil aprender cuando todo el mundo quiere hablar en Inglés. Leo muy bien, pero hablar para mi- es un problema! Debo vivir en España!
Thank you for telling us about Lifestyle of Learning… It sounds promising! I will
check out their website.
Sharron in Kansas City